Perfect helpless clarity

2020-03-13

When I was 16 I did a bungee jump. I’m terrified of heights so I’m surprised I was actually able to do it. My body locked up when I got close to the edge, but I managed to inch up to it, spread my arms wide and hesitantly jump/fall off.

I’ve never experienced anything like it. It burned every thought out of my mind. For ten seconds I experienced glorious, silent presence. In its life-threatening panic my mind experienced absolute helpless clarity. Maybe for the first time.

My life didn’t flash before my eyes. I wasn’t thinking about all the things I wanted to do but never had. I wasn’t thinking anything. I was just falling. It wasn’t peaceful, but it was quiet.

Have there been any experiments using bungee jumping or similar extreme sports as therapy? I think it might be time for a booster on my bungee jump quota. I could use some extra clarity in my life.