Anger

2019-11-13

I’m angry today. I’m not angry about anything. Everything is fine. I’m just angry. I understand that the things I’m angry about aren’t real, but that doesn’t make me any less angry.

I’m doing everything I can to avoid the feeling, and I have been all night. I’ve played some useless video games, I’ve watched some TV, and I’ve eaten some junk food. If you can believe it, none of that helped. If anything I got angrier.

So I adjusted my tactics. I did some squats and some pushups, to convince my body that it outran a leopard, making it safe to clean up some stress chemicals. I did some writing, to convince my mind that it outran a leopard made of ideas. I did some cleaning, because God help me I still hate cleaning so I may as well do it when I’m already angry.

If you can believe it, none of that has helped either. But at least stuff is getting done, and dammit, that’s a step in the right direction.